Analingus Arse Lickin Lizzy's Lord Muck of Londonderry's Secret Handshake

Some more poo sucking of Lizzie Dingdong with the ultimate art of arse licking and brown nosing by Lord Muck of Londonderry

Lord Muck noticed the queen starting to get up off the toilet hole, putting her whole weight on top of the slave she was using for a footrest, which resulted in a cry of pain. Like the practiced arselicker royal that he had become, he was terrified of the queen, not daring to say anything to her. She was obviously ready to have her arse licked clean, as she leaned over in front of him, having moved her dirty arse until he could reach her dirty arsehole with his tongue. Even Lord Muck was shocked at how bad her smell was and he was overwhelmed with a feeling, to pull his tongue away from such a degrading job but he was after all despite his title no more than a pathetic slave to the royal household.


He started to lick around her outer arsehole first, making sure he licked every arsebiscuit of foul tasting shite around it, as he would be in serious trouble if his gobshite failed to clean the queen properly.He licked as rapidly as he was able while swallowing copius amounts of arsebiscuits but unfortunately the queen wasn't happy with his workrate and moved her arse away, turning around and looking straight at him with anger and disgust, she screeched in an outraged tone, “Hurry up Muck you disgusting creature, if you are to be a proper 'Arse Licking-Lizzy' it means you will do anything for promotion. I don't have all day to wait for a pathetic peasant like you to clean me. If I have to tell a brown noser like you who has licked so much arse to get a title like Lord Muck of Londonderry, with all that shit on your nose, while you stink of shit, to hurry up again, I will have you hung up by your tiny nuts in the courtyard and seriously whipped.” She then called over one of her pretty maids and told her to start slapping Lord Muck's face as hard as she could, to remind to Lord Muck to perform his arse cleaning job faster.


The young maid with an evil smile, said with great joy, “with pleasure your majesty” as she started to slap the sides of his face with venom. Lord Muck couldn't do anything to protect himself from the unrelenting blows but just groan in pain as each slap caught him painfully on the sides of his face, making his eyes water as his cheeks burned while he was slapped over and over. He had been arselicking so long, he realized begging the queen for mercy would result in even more punishment and the queen was not for giving any mercy to either castles catholics or slaves with poo on their nose from Londonderry.So with a stinging face of pain he had no choice but to take his medicine of relentless blows until the queen said stop, as he was now only half conscious,
“Now you stupid shit sucking creature, if you don't put more effort into it, then I will have you whipped to an inch of your life” and with that she leaned over again, placing her half cleaned arsehole in front of his out streached tongue. He frantically started licking her again, as fast as he could. He licked so much to get the job done, that he started to have even more shit on his nose and they stank of shit too.The smell and taste of the queens dirty arsehole was still almost unbearable but the fear of upsetting his queen made him lick, even as his tongue was throbbing in pain. However a lifetimes habit of brown nosing in British Occupied Ireland, made him persevere with licking and swallowing every arsebiscuit of the queen's filthy dirty arse, until she was fully satisfied, so she then stood up and stepped off her foot rest slave, onto the floor as her maids let down her dress down.

The queen turned around looking down at her footrest slave, who was lifting himself back up on his hands and knees to crawl behind her but he didn't get up fast enough for the queen, so she ordered the pretty maid who had slapped Lord Muck the royal arselicker into semi-consciousness just moments ago, to kick the footrest slave as he lay on the ground, as hard as she could. The young maid had another evil smile as she proceeded to kick the side of the slave with such force, that it made him cry out in agony. Lord Muck was certain he heard the footrest slave's ribs crack, as the malicious maid's boots hit him with all the force she had. However his lifetime's habits and his own problems mean't he really did not care very much, as he'd learnt himself as a young butcher in Londonderry, it was every slave for himself in the castle of his brit queen.

In fact he learned very young that when London was added to his Irish city's name of Derry, that it had created a vicious city of arse lickery and that when he himself began arse licking a bowler hatted orangeman, who then began to arse lick another, it provoked further arse licking. The result was a tear in the fabric of Irish space and time and the circle became large enough to be known as the UK city of culture in 2013. It was Lord Muck's creation and he enjoyed it so much, that he once exclaimed. I say our fella, I love hanging around with these sectarian orangemen so much, they think I'm a god. I better hang around with them some more, so they worship me more than their queen. An Orangeman who overheard him said to his colleague: "Lord Muck is so pucker, hanging round with us proddy plebs in our Orange free state, we better keep worshipping him so he doesn't leave us. Oh the shame, we have created a city circle of arse lickery and now the universe and empire as we have always known it will cease to exist."



The queen who had been made aware of all of this by her MI5 secret agents, felt she had left this would be secret hand shaker under no illusions about her court's protocol,secret photographs, handshakes or not this queen was not for moving or changing centuries of royal protocol.

Muck you arrogant buffoon have now learned !

1. Lower your head,

2 Place your hands on the sides of your skirt and gently hold it out sideways. If your dress is too narrow, hold your hands out at your sides, palms upward.

3 Extend your right foot behind the left, only a few inches so your right knee is slightly bent.

4 Bend your knees outward, rather than forward, and bow your head and shoulders slightly forward.

5 Gracefully bring yourself back to your original position.

She smirked with satisfaction as she now walked to the door followed closely behind again by her maids, while crawling behind in their rightful place on hands and knees were her slaves. Lord Muck watched the poor footrest slave struggling to keep up but due to his now broken ribs. Unfortunately for him the queen turned around, looked down at the pitiful human being, desperately trying to keep up and looking directly at Lord Muck of Londonderry barked out, “PSSNI ! Take this useless creature down to my dungeon where it belongs”. The PSNI who were standing outside came in and dragged the helpless slave who was begging in vain for mercy, away to start a new life of being shat on, in cold solitary confinement in a rotten royal dungeon by ladies of the queen's castle on her majesty's pleasure. The queen's entourage left the toilet, leaving him there once again in his newly created reality with a face still stinging and the taste of queen's arsebiscuits in his gobshite, which now started to dribble out of the side of his mouth. Lord Muck had now evolved from a firm handshake to a society of arse-licking people so far up each others arses that he was permanently entangled in a pretzel formation all filed of course under her Official Secret's Act !

The Royal Farse of Lord Muck Kicking to Royal Licking

The Queen's maid cracked her whip across Lord Muck of Londonderry's back with such force, that it made him cry out like the Derry air in agony. Red whip marks were now covering most of his back and already starting to bleed, making the cruel, arrogant Queen, who was sitting on her throne, watching his punishment, smile in satisfaction. Lord Muck was starting to have second thoughts on whether her majesty's royal arse was for kicking or for licking?. She was enjoying tormenting him in Hillsborough Castle castle in British Occupied Ireland. This former Provo who came here to shake her hand after being involved in the death of her favourite Lord, who now with votes from her commoners and Viceroy Paterson both making her pathetic commoner's lives as miserable as possible, with every slave in Occupied Ireland, living in constant fear of both of them and consequently her. She enjoyed watching Lord Muck cowering at her feet, begging her for mercy and pleading with her not to be whipped and beaten anymore.

She loved the power she had over her Irish collaborators and most of the time when she ordered Lord Muck whipped, he had just done something minor, such as not getting on his hands and knees fast enough to lick her arse or catch the fairies that flew out of her arse every day at noon !.Sometimes she left a speck of dirt on her arse which he had been ordered to clean. But even if the helpless Lord Muck had cleaned and tongue scrubbed to perfection, she would still find a reason to have him whipped, just for entertainment, which is what was happening to the poor Lord Muck right now, who had been scrubbing the Queens arse on his hands and knees, for more than 12 hours without a break, being extra careful that he had not left a speck of dirt anywhere in or on her arse. He was forced to kneel all day so the Queen couldn't find a reason to have him whipped.  However later on, after a day's horse riding, foxhunting and heaven knows what else with Viceroy Paterson, she walked straight down to Lord Muck in her dirty riding boots, who seeing the state of her, desperately started licking her newly dirtied boots, as well as her extremely filthy arse when she spread her thighs again. Working  with his rasping tongue as fast as he possibly could, trying to get them clean once again, before the Queen turned around and saw any dirt.

Unfortunately for Lord Muck of Londonderry he was not fast enough and she turned around and looked straight at him licking and screamed “How dare you disobey me you worthless shame fein pig, I ordered you to clean my arse spotless and look, there's dirt everywhere, and now look at the muck on the bottom of my lovely riding boots from kicking your filthy arse. She then stood up over the cowering Lord Muck, who was still on his hands and knees and screamed “Ill teach you to disobey me you filthy political worm” as she lifted one of her riding boots and rammed it on top of Lord Mucks bowed head, as hard as she could, to remove some of the muck. Then she shouted “Now you'll lick the rest of the muck from the bottom of my boots, you pathetic Stormont worm and to make sure you do a proper job, you will be whipped while you are working, until I am completely satisfied everything is clean.”  She then called over her personal maid who's specific work was whipping the slaves. The maid who was young with long black hair, was a pretty, petite woman but knew exactly how to whip and cause the maximum pain and suffering, while really enjoying her job, waiting every opportunity to whip helpless slaves. She removed a whip from her belt while the queen walked over to her throne, lifting her boot up a little, just enough for Lord Muck to lick. “Hurry up, Muck” she ordered as Lord Muck frantically licked the bottom of her boots, as the whip lashed on his bare back over and over.


Lord Muck managed to lick both boots clean, while the whip relentlessly cracked on his back. Fortunately for Lord Muck the Queen fancied a drop of gin and needed to go to the dining room to get it, so she told her maid to stop. She stood up and looked down at a pathetic Lord Muck at her feet, who was writhing around the floor in agony, when she shouted arrogantly, “normally I would send you  straight to one of Viceroy Paterson's dungeon”, which every slave in Hillsborough Castle feared the most. Being sent to Paterson's dungeon was one way internment without trial. Lord Muck would be forced to spend the rest of his miserable life interned in solitary confinement in a cold, dark and stinking dungeon, just like other political prisoners deep below ground, with no chance of ever being released again. To add to Lord Mucks discomfort the Queen had come up with the evil idea of building dungeons deep below all her ladies toilet hole, directly on top of the dungeon so that when she needed to use her toilets she would drop all her urne and crap all over the helpless Lord Muck trapped down below. The Queen then continued talking and said “However today is your lucky day Lord Muck as I am in need of a royal ass licker for all of my visits to British Occupied Ireland”.


The royal arse licker is a specific slave who licks clean the arse holes of all the royal household after they have taken a crap, since it is unlady like for a royal at court to clean their own arse and because there are an abundance of commoners who aspire to being arse lickers. What better way to put their tongues to good use than to lick clean the dirty royal arseholes. The previous royal arselicker licker had just been executed in her castles dungeon for a lack of respect one of her ladies. The poor bastard didn't know the lady was watching after he finished licking her arse clean and he tried to get the horrible taste of shite out of his mouth by spitting it out which was forbidden. Unfortunately for him it was a serious mistake as she spotted him do it and straight away told the Queen who after having him whipped to death threw him into a dungeon below to "rot with all the other pieces of crap down below” as the Queen put it. All of this to remain a secret under her Official Secrets Act.

The Queen told the whipped Lord Muck in front of her with a mocking voice “You were involved in killing my favourite Lord but because I am such a generous Queen, I am instead of sending you to the dungeon, willing to give you another chance and from now on you will clean all my ladies arses at court with your tongue. "You are now officially my new royal arse licker.” She then said “You should be honoured, that such a lowly Lord Muck, worthless slave like yourself, with a silly job at Stormont, where a large part of my elite, are busy giggling over your speeches and making fun of your performances, rambling on about thinking Irish republicans, while you now have the privilege to lick clean the arses of all the royal ladies at my court, who are clearly far more superior, than a pathetic, ugly political careerist creature, like yourself.” She then told security to take Lord Muck up to the ladies quarters and lock his head above the ladies toilet to start his new job, as her royal arse licker. She also told Viceroy Paterson to put out a story to the British media graduated from the school of arse-licking, sycophancy and pomposity, more formally known as the British Orifice Licking Laboratory Officially Communicating Kinetic Shite (BOLLOCKS for short) that Lord Muck had been lost or possibly accidentally shredded.....(to be continued)