Saturday, June 23, 2012

The Royal Farse of Lord Muck Kicking to Royal Licking







The Queen's maid cracked her whip across Lord Muck of Londonderry's back with such force, that it made him cry out like the Derry air in agony. Red whip marks were now covering most of his back and already starting to bleed, making the cruel, arrogant Queen, who was sitting on her throne, watching his punishment, smile in satisfaction. Lord Muck was starting to have second thoughts on whether her majesty's royal arse was for kicking or for licking?. She was enjoying tormenting him in Hillsborough Castle castle in British Occupied Ireland. This former Provo who came here to shake her hand after being involved in the death of her favourite Lord, who now with votes from her commoners and Viceroy Paterson both making her pathetic commoner's lives as miserable as possible, with every slave in Occupied Ireland, living in constant fear of both of them and consequently her. She enjoyed watching Lord Muck cowering at her feet, begging her for mercy and pleading with her not to be whipped and beaten anymore.

She loved the power she had over her Irish collaborators and most of the time when she ordered Lord Muck whipped, he had just done something minor, such as not getting on his hands and knees fast enough to lick her arse or catch the fairies that flew out of her arse every day at noon !.Sometimes she left a speck of dirt on her arse which he had been ordered to clean. But even if the helpless Lord Muck had cleaned and tongue scrubbed to perfection, she would still find a reason to have him whipped, just for entertainment, which is what was happening to the poor Lord Muck right now, who had been scrubbing the Queens arse on his hands and knees, for more than 12 hours without a break, being extra careful that he had not left a speck of dirt anywhere in or on her arse. He was forced to kneel all day so the Queen couldn't find a reason to have him whipped.  However later on, after a day's horse riding, foxhunting and heaven knows what else with Viceroy Paterson, she walked straight down to Lord Muck in her dirty riding boots, who seeing the state of her, desperately started licking her newly dirtied boots, as well as her extremely filthy arse when she spread her thighs again. Working  with his rasping tongue as fast as he possibly could, trying to get them clean once again, before the Queen turned around and saw any dirt.

Unfortunately for Lord Muck of Londonderry he was not fast enough and she turned around and looked straight at him licking and screamed “How dare you disobey me you worthless shame fein pig, I ordered you to clean my arse spotless and look, there's dirt everywhere, and now look at the muck on the bottom of my lovely riding boots from kicking your filthy arse. She then stood up over the cowering Lord Muck, who was still on his hands and knees and screamed “Ill teach you to disobey me you filthy political worm” as she lifted one of her riding boots and rammed it on top of Lord Mucks bowed head, as hard as she could, to remove some of the muck. Then she shouted “Now you'll lick the rest of the muck from the bottom of my boots, you pathetic Stormont worm and to make sure you do a proper job, you will be whipped while you are working, until I am completely satisfied everything is clean.”  She then called over her personal maid who's specific work was whipping the slaves. The maid who was young with long black hair, was a pretty, petite woman but knew exactly how to whip and cause the maximum pain and suffering, while really enjoying her job, waiting every opportunity to whip helpless slaves. She removed a whip from her belt while the queen walked over to her throne, lifting her boot up a little, just enough for Lord Muck to lick. “Hurry up, Muck” she ordered as Lord Muck frantically licked the bottom of her boots, as the whip lashed on his bare back over and over.


Lord Muck managed to lick both boots clean, while the whip relentlessly cracked on his back. Fortunately for Lord Muck the Queen fancied a drop of gin and needed to go to the dining room to get it, so she told her maid to stop. She stood up and looked down at a pathetic Lord Muck at her feet, who was writhing around the floor in agony, when she shouted arrogantly, “normally I would send you  straight to one of Viceroy Paterson's dungeon”, which every slave in Hillsborough Castle feared the most. Being sent to Paterson's dungeon was one way internment without trial. Lord Muck would be forced to spend the rest of his miserable life interned in solitary confinement in a cold, dark and stinking dungeon, just like other political prisoners deep below ground, with no chance of ever being released again. To add to Lord Mucks discomfort the Queen had come up with the evil idea of building dungeons deep below all her ladies toilet hole, directly on top of the dungeon so that when she needed to use her toilets she would drop all her urne and crap all over the helpless Lord Muck trapped down below. The Queen then continued talking and said “However today is your lucky day Lord Muck as I am in need of a royal ass licker for all of my visits to British Occupied Ireland”.


The royal arse licker is a specific slave who licks clean the arse holes of all the royal household after they have taken a crap, since it is unlady like for a royal at court to clean their own arse and because there are an abundance of commoners who aspire to being arse lickers. What better way to put their tongues to good use than to lick clean the dirty royal arseholes. The previous royal arselicker licker had just been executed in her castles dungeon for a lack of respect one of her ladies. The poor bastard didn't know the lady was watching after he finished licking her arse clean and he tried to get the horrible taste of shite out of his mouth by spitting it out which was forbidden. Unfortunately for him it was a serious mistake as she spotted him do it and straight away told the Queen who after having him whipped to death threw him into a dungeon below to "rot with all the other pieces of crap down below” as the Queen put it. All of this to remain a secret under her Official Secrets Act.

The Queen told the whipped Lord Muck in front of her with a mocking voice “You were involved in killing my favourite Lord but because I am such a generous Queen, I am instead of sending you to the dungeon, willing to give you another chance and from now on you will clean all my ladies arses at court with your tongue. "You are now officially my new royal arse licker.” She then said “You should be honoured, that such a lowly Lord Muck, worthless slave like yourself, with a silly job at Stormont, where a large part of my elite, are busy giggling over your speeches and making fun of your performances, rambling on about thinking Irish republicans, while you now have the privilege to lick clean the arses of all the royal ladies at my court, who are clearly far more superior, than a pathetic, ugly political careerist creature, like yourself.” She then told security to take Lord Muck up to the ladies quarters and lock his head above the ladies toilet to start his new job, as her royal arse licker. She also told Viceroy Paterson to put out a story to the British media graduated from the school of arse-licking, sycophancy and pomposity, more formally known as the British Orifice Licking Laboratory Officially Communicating Kinetic Shite (BOLLOCKS for short) that Lord Muck had been lost or possibly accidentally shredded.....(to be continued)
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