Thursday, May 17, 2012

LONDON OLYMPICS : Galway Whooker Penetrates Olympic Security Getting Head Onboard

Cead Mile Failte, A Hundred Thousand Welcomes

LONDON OLYMPICS : Galway Whooker Penetrates Olympic Security Getting Head Onboard

category international | arts and media | other press author Friday May 18, 2012 06:33author by BrianClarkeNUJ - AllVoices Report this post to the editors
Joyce Country Disgrace O'Malley
“The hills are feckin alive.” Sings Richard “Very nice Dickie, could've used you when the wind dropped last night. Olive had the boat bobbin at anchor last night after the storm. Poor woman stretched, jib ripped, boom bent and a bilge full of engine oil. Still happy to be among our own kind again but to get to London for the Thames Olympic protest we must press on to Somalia.
“The hills are feckin alive.” Sings Richard “Very nice Dickie, could've used you when the wind dropped last night. Olive had the boat bobbin at anchor last night after the storm. Poor woman stretched, jib ripped, boom bent and a bilge full of engine oil. Still happy to be among our own kind again but to get to London for the Thames Olympic protest we must press on to Somalia. We'll be movin around a bit, it would help if you spoke Urdu as we pass India on the way and we've got to get a Somali class in later, to understand what them pirates are on about. Maybe I’m losing my sanity but I can’t stand being around people too long anymore. I find it confusing, what with half the time I don’t know if I’m in Manila or Ceylon or Goa or bloody Mogadishu. Mind you writing addles my brain especially this rubbish, that’s why.

Manila is where I met Olive and where she is from. It was mostly our base but we often went over to Macau, Hong Kong and Jakarta where we did a bit of business. If Manila got too hectic we would ramble over to Langkawi. We've been lucky this trip so far, what with the monsoons and no typhoons, Colombo coming up on the right was always good for a few laughs. I've forgotten who the Yanks were bombing last time I was there. Basically Britain still wants whites only in a lot of these places but they don't have the clout anymore and the Yanks have taken over from them. “It’s a bloody mess." Richard says.”There’s a lot of them shouldn’t be allowed to breed at all. If you ask me some of them should be castrated or shot.” You've got to be joking Richard, its their bloody country you know.” I tell him. "There you go with your Irish republican stuff again." he complains." Now Richard you wouldn't want your wife to hear you talking like that, would you/" That shuts him up for a while. Tell you what why don't you let the women make a nice sandwich for you between them. Pui told me she wanted to study medicine. ‘Why not?’ I asked. "I no good. I very bad stupid girl." "Some attitude!" I said. "Just because you wore a veil in Jakarta and like sex, doesn’t mean you can’t be a doctor."

So the time has finally come to up anchor and rejoin the western world again. These distractions and side-trips are all very well but life and times are moving on and we have to go for it. For the immediate future anyway. So we are heading to Somalia but a week of Olive has left me knackered. She can’t get enough and she always wants to play with it some more, after she’s drained me dry. What does she think I am ? a machine ?. I’m a bit long in the tooth for all that nonsense and she's getting on my nerves rabbiting on about reality shows.She finally fell asleep and I was back to Pui's arms. She forgave me as usual and said no more about it after I pumped her bilge out. Next thing I hear Richard in the bridge, shouting down the phone at somebody. Sounds like he’s having a bit of trouble with his bank. He’s pissed off because they put him on hold for 30 minutes when he called the wrong number in Bangladesh and then he gets into an argument with somebody in Mumbai, who transfers him to Goa, who serenade him with the Sound of Music. Eventually he puts the phone to his arse and lets rip a colossal fart.

“Yes but not right now, Pui I think I’ll go and get Olive to help you out, besides I want to give you both a shagging." Talk about feckin strength and femininity! These bloody women are insatiable, I don’t mind too much but they have to help me out and give me a breather now and then while I watch. Which reminds me of my first sandwich in my misspent youth, when the lads and I went over to Dublin for a dirty weekend. We usually took to the races too. One time we had been on the piss all day and we took a group of young wans back to the Shelbourne There was the park outside and I ended up under some bushes, with a couple of women from Galway called Maureen and Cathleen, where my friends stumbled across us later as we all had a great laugh. We were also gripped by Bono and his band, who were just making a name for themselves. It wasn't just his music, he had dedicated himself to relieving world suffering.

When we heard he was giving all his money away to Africa, we were touched. Course he knew a lot of politicians and he could handle the media. But now I hear the faint sound of coconut shells? Can it be St. Bozo riding back from Rome with bottles of Holy Water and a hard drive of pardons with dispensations from his mate the Pope? But wasn't he in Washington with his pal Bill Gates of Microsoft a few days ago, discussing tax free donations. Can their advisers be trusted? What if Bill and Bono are targeted by unscrupulous opportunists? Of course what they really need is someone reliable like me to ensure their money goes to the right people. I’ve had a bit of business experience including a few non-profit operations. So if you’re listening Bono and Bill feel free to contact me. I'll take all your money problems off your hands.

Suddenly, as my mind drifts I am back on one of those old tea clippers, those big beggars with sails as big as Croke Park, with the wind from the stern quarter.Every stitch of canvas is up, ropes and spars. How did they do it you may ask? How did they make their way through so much rope, wood and cordage? Here is a few reference points: 1, bowsprit; 2, bobstays, three pairs; 3, spritsail-gaffs, projectinig at each side of the bowsprit- the ropes at the extremities are jib-guys and flying jib-guys; 4, jib-boom; 5, martingale-stay, and below it the flying-jib martingale; 6, back-ropes; 7, flying jib-boom; 8, fore-stay, flying jib-stay and halyards; 9, fore-top-gallant-stay, jib-stay and halyards; 10, two fore-topmast-stays and fore-topmast staysail halyards; 11, the foretop bowlines, stopped into the top and two fore-stays; 12, two fore-tacks; 13, fore-truck; 14, fore-royal mast, yard and lift; 15, top-gallant mast, yard and lift; 16, fore-top mast, topsail-yard, lift and reef-tackle; 17, foretop, fore-lift, and topsail-sheet; 18, foremast and fore-shrouds, nine-pairs; 19, fore-sheets; 20, fore-gaff; 21, fore-topmast backstays and topsail tye; 22, top-gallant backstays; 23, fore-braces and main-stay; 24, fore-topgallant braces and main-topgallant stay; 25, standing parts, or fore topsail-braces, and main topmast-stays; 26, hauling parts of fore-topsail-braces and main-top-bowlines; 27, fore parts of fore-braces; 28, mainstays; 29, main-tacks; 30, main-truck; 31, main-braces; 32, mizzen-stay and mizzen-braces; 33, main-topgallant braces and mizzen-topgallant-braces; 34, standing parts of main topsail braces and mizzen topmast stay; 35, mizzen topsail braces; 36, hauling parts of main-topsail-braces, mizzen-top-bowlines and cross-jack braces; 37, main-braces and mizzen stay; 38, standing part of peak halyards; 39, vangs, similar on each gaff; 40, ensign staff; 41, spanker-book; 42, quarter-boat’s davits; 43, one of the davit topping-lifts and wind-sail; 44, main

With Africa on the horizon shortly, its difficult to avoid thinking about it. Richard says there may be no better time to buy cheap beach front lots in Liberia or grass huts in the Congo. With Bono already on the job, Nigeria will become an earthly paradise, while the BBC do a piece on the first Zimbabwean female astronaut. Maybe I'm a bit cynical when it comes to Richard but I just can't help see Africa as a bottomless pit of gold, diamonds with brothers chopping each other up. They'll just buy more consumer crap and the place will be a garbage dump like England. Hey Bob, do you know why nightlight is so brilliant in Africa? It's because they haven't factories and power stations cluttering the place up you egomaniac. Bono better pack some Raybans with they 're fleet of Range Rovers waiting to take them to their air conditioned hotel rooms. Who's got the Ballygowan Spring Water? Help the local economy? So they can buy more BMWs and houses in Switzerland. Just because I'm cynical doesn't mean the world grinds to a halt. All you idealistic young people should just ignore me. My brain is addled from writing this.

Having said that, I normally don't have much time for politics but the Olympics in London and the dismantling of the Irish peace process by the British, has caused a temporary re-assessment by this Irishman. I feel sorry for my poor people in British Occupied Ireland, who are currently ruled by an un-elected Tory tyrant, who fancies himself as a bit of Ghengis Khan. Good old Ghengis Paterson all he and his fellow Tories want is another one of their nice little wars in Ireland. Intern without trial, torture a few Irish human rights activists in solitary confinement to make sure the natives remain restless, start the troubles all over again and then tidy up the map a bit later, while maybe grabbing a few more Irish assets for their pals. Besides the industrial-armaments-complex with plenty of brainwashed local cannon fodder and a war somewhere, every five years at least, is still the best business of Empire.

Basically they are creating another big bloody mess in Ireland, I could go on but what's the point, nobody listens and does anyone care about political prisoners of conscience in Ireland like Marian Price, tortured in daily agony in solitary confinement, without trial for more than a year now. Britain's human rights record is far worse than China ever was and do you remember all their racket about the Beijing Olympics and Tibet while their own censorship and treatment of Ireland is more subtle and sanitized, it is far more widespread but then that's why we are forced to go up the Thames to protest for the coming Olympics with a Galway Whooker even if people and her fellow sisters seem to have no heart or humanity left in them.Is there any nature left in people at all at all. Free Ireland and then Free Tibet is what I say! Things are bad when people have to come from the other side of the world to highlight all this. Are human rights totally ignored in Britain and Ireland now ?

Excuse me I must take break to lighten up a bit. Some people use drink, drugs or create their own bloody universe! Why not? like making something out of nothing! Like the Creator does. Some people like me enjoy plenty of sex, unlike these sadistic, blood thirsty, fox hunting Tories like the pervert Ghengis Paterson. Doesn't do anyone any harm does it ! Young John Lennon was right, make love not war but then they permanently censored him too, didn't they ? Like I said go forth and multiply for phuck sake! All these Asian foxes and sex are perfect for a Galway Whoorker in the South China Sea. Of course it doesn't always go smoothly. Sometimes I’ll write a paragraph and then I’ll look at it and ask myself, do I really want to write this crap? I keep telling people, I don’t give a toss but do I give a toss or don’t I? It’s an existential question I have to confront daily but I nevr seem to get used to it.

Anyway you can all go phuck yourselves, while ye are at it. I haven't asked ye for money? I don't litter the place with shite? No I only do it for my own amusement and right now I don't give a toss what ye think. Ye can read this stuff or piss off, it's all the same to me. If I start taking it too seriously, game is over anyway. Blow-jobs help a lot for inspiration though. Have I mentioned Olive's professionalism in that department? Give her a cock to suck on and she's as happy as dog with a bone for hours. She's down there right now as a matter of fact while I am banging away with one finger on the keyboard and she's keeping my creative juices flowing. . Talking of humdrum existence, ever heard of Jonathan Livingstone Seagull? Well you have now.

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